I feel tired. So tired. I feel like I just want to stop and sleep, for like, 12 days.
But, there is so much work to be done, and impossible timelines with even more impossible goals.
I want to take care of my family. But in my commitment to work, the laundry sits, the table doesn’t get cleared, the juicer doesn’t get put away, the dust balls grow.
And when will I get to my son’s new brain exercises…probably the most important thing I could be doing!
And then their lunches need some new inspiration. Killian’s food intake needs to be ultra clean. But what is gluten free, dairy free, sugar free, AND doesn’t have xanthum gum, AND is something that’s attractive if not exciting for him to eat?! I’m a nutritionist, but not a creative foodie.
Then there’s the overdue paperwork to the lawyer, and the clients that rightfully need my attention, and the hard conversations that need to be had, and the backup drive, and the “to file” pile, and….AND. And so, on a night when the kids are in bed a little early, and I could be checking more things off my list, instead I collapse onto the sofa to watch the last few episodes of “Jane the Virgin,” and eat dried mango.
But here’s what I know.
Tomorrow, I will rise, and I will begin again. And with a meditation and a green juice and a prayer, I will reprioritize the to do list, rewrite it, and take action. I will cross the new tasks off with my favorite Uni-ball red pen, and move on to the next task and so on.
And I will remind myself to breathe. And I will take care of myself. And I will do something nice for my husband. Because my peace of mind, my health, and my marriage are the current of my life. They are the daily ritual that makes everything else work.
And I will try to be a better parent. Maybe I will look up one new recipe, or give my son some brain exercises to do before breakfast, or maybe just yell less.
Whatever I do, it will be small and doable.
Tomorrow I will join the ranks of women everywhere who are rising up and continuing on. And I will remember that I have sisters next door and around the world who are rising up with challenges and courage that I can’t even imagine.
Some will rise in the midst of natural disaster to do what needs to be done for their families, for their communities.
Some will rise in the midst of grief.
Some will rise as leaders of companies, and churches, and countries, stepping out in public as an act of solidarity.
Some will rise to an eviction notice.
Some will rise in a refugee camp.
Some will rise and show up to work as nurses and police officers, and teachers and managers, as they have everyday for 30 years.
Tonight I am tired, but tomorrow I rise.
Rise with the best of them to continue the work, because it’s all just too damn important not to.
And maybe when I lock eyes with another mother dropping her kids off at school, or with the post woman who delivers our mail, or with the check out woman at Trader Joe’s, I can, for just a second, access the amount of respect I have for them, for showing up today.
They showed up TODAY, with the fear about the kids, and the hard conversations in the marriage, and the dreams that have been sidelined, and the grief, and the health problems, and the exhaustion. Even with the sheer exhaustion, they showed up.
Maybe it’s an act of solidarity for any of us to show up. To rise together, and silently say, “Let’s do this. Let’s keep going. It’s worth it.”
May this post serve as a look of respect, of recognition, and of gratitude to you! Thank you for showing up! Let's keep going. It's worth it!
With so much love, a green juice, and a prayer, Natalie