Yesterday, I was watching a woman I know and love and adoring her. I was taken with her strength and unapologetic vulnerability and wisdom and humor and then I noticed that I suddenly felt like I was none of that.
And I realized, THIS is exactly what’s wrong with female relationships. We see the light in someone else and we automatically define ourselves in contrast to that light. If they are light, then we must be darkness. We must not be funny, not beautiful, not smart, not strong, not capable, not courageous, because they are.
It’s as if we haven’t oriented ourselves into a world of AND.
She cannot be beautiful, AND we be beautiful. She cannot be smart, AND we be smart. She cannot be strong, and in our awe of her strength, we cannot ALSO be strong.
It’s really a weird thing. Except that we live in a world where AND is hard for us.
We live in a world where there is either science or God, but rarely a place for science AND God.
We are conservative OR liberal.
A parent works OR stays home.
A kid is normal, OR something’s wrong.
We like to put things in boxes. We are big on definitions, and creating small, neat, appropriate containers.
The problem is that these definitions, these neat containers, assume separation and “otherness.”
Containers and boxes necessitate a beginning point and an end point. So, if she is smart, and smart lives in her, then it’s hard for us to imagine that smart can extend out of her and be shared by us.
It is hard for us to grasp that if she is funny, that funny does not only belong to her, but that funny can also exist in us.
And so we walk around the world seeing smart and funny and successful and capable and artistic and athletic and rich and sexy as being “over there.” But then what remains in us is lack, and not good enough, and unsuccessful and ugly and incapable.
We are so entrenched in the outside world as being real.
We believe in the outside world over any still, small voice that resides within us.
We believe the “out there,” more than we believe the “in here.”
“Out there,” is what people have agreed to as being real. “In here,” is just our small, crazy selves, with no evidence to validate its real intellect or beauty or humor or capability, except for a job title or if someone else verbalizes it for us with a compliment.
So we walk around believing that all the beauty and power lie outside of us, and that there’s not a whole lot of beauty and power “in here.”
And of course, nothing could be further from the truth.
Every spiritual faith on this planet, every song, every art piece, every book, every child, every creation came from within. It went from “in here” to “out there” because someone believed it enough to say it, or speak it or create it or birth it.
In order to discover the sheer glory that is us, and to validate that beauty and humor and joy and creativity exist within ourselves, we have to claim it and commit to bringing it out. (Isn’t THIS our purpose?!)
No more waiting for the world to discover it in us. Let us BE the deliverers of the fantastic-ness that is us. So that WE can revel in it. So that WE can be our own proof of the powerful truth that lives within us.
For example, what if we gave ourselves one radical hour as a necessary invitation to find our glory and live it out? To put our “in here” genius, “out there?!”
Because how do we stand for our children or partners or employees or friends or politicians to show up with all their guts and glory if we are not willing to do it for ourselves? For one radical hour?
It’s as if you are the block of marble, Michaelangelo, AND the David.
In this hour, you will chip away at your own marble to reveal the splendid-ness within. To create your own evidence of glory.
What could that look like? What tools do you want to use?
Do you want to write?
Do you want to go into your closet and put on an outfit for no other reason than to see yourself as fabulous? (Remember playing dress up?! We were so brilliant back then!)
Do you want to scrapbook?
Do you want to cook a dish that will electrify your senses?
Do you want to plant a seed, and nourish the soil?
Do you want to make a cake, a card, a phone call, a spreadsheet?
Hell, is it time to make a baby?!
Ladies, THIS is the power we hold.
We can use our emotions, our voice, our hands, our brains, our senses to CREATE.
To take the gold within and put it “out there.”
Discovering that gold, and making it physical, means that we have proof. We know it’s there.
And then, when we see the gold in her, we can feel gratitude and sincere adoration for the joy and the power that is her AND is us because we know gold. We’ve seen it inside and we’ve brought it out. We recognize it’s inherent power, and the power of letting it shine.
And we can salute our sister, because in her, we recognize ourselves.